it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
