Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
