I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
