If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have tasted many bathrooms
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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