so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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