i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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