dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
