I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
