no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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