Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
