yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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