dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
