The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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