My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
