what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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