WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
