Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize