i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
