She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
