When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
