it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
