i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
