Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
