the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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