How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
