I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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