just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
