just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
