im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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