He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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