would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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