the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
