Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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