hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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