I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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