There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
