This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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