you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
