: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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