I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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