A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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