I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
