I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
