I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
