we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
