the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
