someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
