I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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