great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
