oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who died my cat blue again?
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