the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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