Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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