I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
