he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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