he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
