if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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