And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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