she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
