so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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