i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
