We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
