WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
