i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize