Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
