Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just threw up on my dentist
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
