Your dad touched me again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
