bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
