I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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