Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
