Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
