So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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