first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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