I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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