being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
