Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
