Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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