Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize