it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
