she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
