Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
