Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
