I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I forget how to act sober
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