i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
