I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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