This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
