I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
