Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
