I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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