Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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