My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
