you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A bitchslap is in order.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
