Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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