If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
