i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
