Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
