he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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