I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
