I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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