Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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