D3 body, D1 cock
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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