just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize