im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
