It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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