he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
