So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
