im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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