this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
