so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
