I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do herpes really smell.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
